OFF THE RAILS OR THEATRICAL TRAIN WRECKS - Part Three

OFF THE RAILS OR THEATRICAL TRAIN WRECKS

Part Three

The penultimate installment of my top ten theatrical train wrecks. I decided to devote a separate blog to the new Gold Standard of Theatrical Train Wrecks. The two discussed here both jumped the tracks in New York City. One was a London import. One was a short-lived sequel to a popular 60s smash hit. A duo of theatrical WTFs.

Go grab some coffee and let's get started.

FESTEN – Music Box Theatre, New York

The London marquee. "A work of genius"? Uh....don't think so. At least not in New York.

April, 2006. Opening night! "Do you want to know a secret?" the marquee at the Music Box Theatre tantalizingly asked, hinting that all sorts of naughty and perverse things awaited the theatregoer attending a performance of Festen. Unfortunately, by the time the curtain fell, the question I was asking was, "What was that?" In New York on a layover, I had read the reviews of the London production and was mighty intrigued. Based on a celebrated Danish film, Festen sounded all macabre and dark and Scandinavian, in the best tradition of those famous Scandinavian gloom masters, August Strindberg and Henrik Ibsen, but with a modern, pervy twist. Plus it was opening night. How cool is that? The warning bells should have started ringing when I was able to snag a really good main floor seat at the TKTS booth. For an opening night of a much-anticipated play? Really? But, with visions of seeing celebs in opening night finery, I walked into the Music Box and promptly wish I hadn't. Physically stunning, Festen tells the story, at times incoherently, of a family reunion centered around the family patriarch's 60th birthday celebration. During the course of the interminable evening, we discover all sorts of dark, gloomy and perverse things about this family, who could pass as the poster child for dysfunctional families everywhere, including parental sexual abuse. And amongst all the dark, gloomy and perverse revelations were a master of ceremonies, birthday toasts, silly songs and games and a great big dining room table where the beautiful and staggeringly miscast Ali MacGraw, in her Broadway debut, treated the audience to a lengthy and, well, painful speech. (Love means never having to watch Ali MacGraw on stage.) Misdirected and without focus, the cast included performers from theatre (Larry Bryggman as the sexually abusive daddy and Michael Hayden, in the evening's best performance, as the anguished son), television (Julianna Margulies, in the evening's most interesting performance, as the anguished son's sister and Jeremy Sisto, in the evening's most bizarre performance, as the anguished son's brother) and film (the previously-mentioned Ms. MacGraw as the family matriarch). Curiously, some in the audience were applauding like crazy at the bows; I just wanted the curtain to come down. Awful. Full stop. – at the Music Box Theatre, New York

Sidebar: Festen, as previously mentioned, received ecstatic, you-must-see-this-if-you-care-at-all-about-the-theatre reviews when it opened in London. New York critics were far less kind and the show closed after a brief run. In 2011, however, a production opened at Chicago's Steep Theatre to rave reviews. I just couldn't put myself through it again, reviews be damned. (To be completely honest, the video promo for this production did nothing to make me want to change my mind.)

BRING BACK BIRDIE – Martin Beck Theatre, New York

From an old slide. This is the best I could get the picture.

Hmmm. Friday, the 13th. Possibly an omen?

Back in the day of "real" paper tickets, this was how the producers and treasurers knew a ticket was sold at the TKTS booth.

Rehearsal shots.

How many orchestrators does a show need? I count nine. A bit of over-kill, don't you think?

February, 1981. I have never been a fan of Bye Bye Birdie. I don't think I've ever seen a production of it, but the original cast album never ranked among my favorites and watching the film is like fingernails against a blackboard. (And what is with Ann-Margret singing "Bye, bye, Birhee"? There's a "D" in there, cupcake!) So if I'm not a fan of the original, why would I go see its sequel? Simple. I may not be a fan of Bye Bye Birdie, but I'm most definitely a fan of Chita Rivera and I firmly believe that whenever Ms. Rivera graces a stage, one really should try to see whatever it is she's in. And, truthfully, Ms. Rivera was hands down the best thing about this show. Anticipation and lots of Bye Bye Birdie goodwill were present at the top of the show; both were gone by the interval, replaced by a knowledge that things were not going to get better and, I felt, anger from the audience that the creators would so desecrate the beloved original with this disaster of a sequel. Telling sign: at the start of the performance, the Mezzanine of the Martin Beck was nearly full; at the start of Act Two there were noticeably more empty seats. The messy and often incomprehensible plot had something to do with bringing the aging Conrad Birdie out of retirement to appear on an Emmy broadcast. In an attempt to make the proceedings more current, the kids are "hipper," there's a subplot involving a punk-rock band called "Filth" and yet another subplot involving a Moonie-type group, here called "Sunnies." STOP! I remember a scenic design that included a wall of television monitors (a scenic device much better used decades later in American Idiot), a handful of decent  tunes, well, decent compared to the rest of the score, and Ms. Rivera, revisiting her original star turn as Rose, doing everything but serving us breakfast to make the show work. Sharing top billing was Donald O'Connor as Albert, but, frankly, he didn't add much to the proceedings. Totally forgettable. Veteran Maria Karnilova as Mae Peterson got her laughs, but I thought she was unbearably cute. And looking at the program, I noticed that Maurice Hines was featured as a character named "Mtobe." Haven't a clue. Yes, this was truly as bad as it sounds. Even the curtain call rendition of Birdie's "Rosie," while charming, had an air of desperation about it. Bring Back Birdie made this list because there was absolutely no reason, none, to create this show, and even less of a reason to produce it. It was simply bad. Shockingly, you can license the show from Tams-Witmark. Bring Back Birdie deservedly was slammed by the critics and closed after four performances.  – at the Martin Beck Theatre, New York

Sidebar: As a rule of thumb, sequels usually have a rough go of it in the theatre. Even with the same creative team and sometimes even the same stars, it's difficult to recreate the magic that propelled the original to hit status. To support this theory, I offer as examples: Annie 2: Miss Hannigan's Revenge, sequel to Annie (2377 performances)…closed out of town; The Best Little Whorehouse Goes Public, sequel to The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1584 performances)…16 performances; Love Never Dies, sequel to The Phantom of the Opera (11,500 + performances and still going strong)…hasn't made it across the Pond due to lack of interest and negative reviews; Mortgage, sequel to Rent (5123 performances)… Okay, I made that last one up, but you get the general drift. Actually, come to think of it, wouldn't that make a great sequel? Set it twenty years after Rent takes place and have all those whiny brats have to deal with…gasp…a job and…gasp again…responsibilities. Here are some other shows that I think could have terrific sequels: Applause (Set a decade or so later. Eve's a big star, but Margo finally gets her revenge.); A Chorus Line (Sheila now a major television star; Cassie now teaching dance and bitter about her failed career. Things explode at Zach's funeral.); Cabaret (Sally, et al, after WWII); Gypsy (Louise's star fades a bit, June's rises, and Rose is still stage mother from hell); 42nd Street (Peggy Sawyer becomes Julian Marsh's mistress and begins drinking before noon. She escapes back to Allentown to regain her life.); Company (Bobby marries, divorces, has an affair with Peter and becomes addicted to internet dating sites.) Let the sequeling begin!

That's it for now. The very last installment of this series coming very soon!! Cheers!

©2015 Jeffrey Geddes