A VAMPIRE, A PRETTY FACE, A MOUSE AND PATTI

A VAMPIRE, A PRETTY FACE, A MOUSE AND PATTI

A few months ago, an acquaintance on Facebook spent a great deal of time dissing a new musical then previewing on Broadway and then spent a great deal of time gloating over that show's horrible reviews once it opened.  It was not only ungracious and uncalled for, but also, frankly, a bit confounding since this acquaintance had pretty much the same experience with a show of his some years back.  As Avenue Q so aptly puts it, everybody has a soft spot for some good, old-fashioned schadenfreude, but this was more than mere schadenfreude.   It was as if he believed the creators of this musical deliberately set out to produce a rotten show.  Now I've seen my share of theatrical train-wrecks over the years, and I've been less than kind about them, but I truly believe no one wakes up one morning and says, "I think I'll write/produce/act in/design/direct a rotten show!"  Who has the time or money to do this?  I think all theatre projects start out with the best of intentions, but some shows just aren't very good.  My acquaintance's show was one of them.  The musical in question, since closed, apparently was also one of them.  I wrote the book for a show that never went further than an Equity showcase and it, too, was one of them.  But even failed shows usually have their good moments. In my acquaintance's show, a really spiffy late-at-night-in-a-smoky-dive number; in my show, some solid tunes and nice performances; in the musical in question, according to reviews, an jaw-dropping leading performance. 

Let's start this post off with….. 

May, 2006.  A score by Elton John and Bernie Taupin (together again!) based on Anne Rice's sensational vampire books and starring Hugh Panaro and Carolee Carmello?  I would have invested in this. The West Coast tryout made a crapload of money at San Francisco's Curran Theatre.  Before opening, the show underwent massive changes and opened to blistering reviews.  How bad was it?  Well, to be honest, it was pretty dreadful, but, there were many very nice moments throughout the show.  The score had one strikingly beautiful number in "Sail Me Away," Hugh Panaro's performance was first-rate  (and he's soooo easy on the eyes and has that wonderful voice!), and it had a fine physical environment.  The acting was earnest throughout, with the odd exception of Carolee Carmello, who was just as game and earnest as everyone else but seemed, I don't know, wrong in this part and I love Carolee Carmello.  At one point, she enthusiastically attacked someone with scenery-chewing fervor and the audience laughed, which I don't think was the response the creators were going for.  It could have and should have been so much better with all the talent involved.  Sad, sad, sad.  - at the Palace Theatre, New York

April, 1996.  Remember my mentioning a showcase?   An archival record of my theatre experiences and memories would not be complete without including my own New York City adventure.  So begging indulgences all around, this and the following entry will chronicle the "Such a Pretty Face" saga.  

Take it from me, you have never seen so many rules, restrictions and exceptions until you've waded through the Actors' Equity Association's paperwork for Equity approved showcases.  Zounds!  My collaborator on the show, Janet Gari, is not only a vibrant and talented woman, but also the youngest, and only surviving, daughter of theatre legend Eddie Cantor. You can imagine the great stories Bob and I were treated to.  The show went up only a short time after Bob and I met.  When Janet asked me if I knew any designers, I, naturally, recommended Bob.  He was hired, and so as a new couple, we embarked on this adventure.

The show had been revised and improved since the first performance (see below), but the basic plot remained the same: the conflict between weight and self-esteem.  (Okay, remember this was 1996.)  Early on in the rehearsal process, Janet and the then-director decided to cut one of our leading lady's early numbers.  I was vehemently against it, but I was outvoted.  Janet felt it added too much time to the show and wasn't necessary.  I dialogued around the number, but it took away some of the lead's vulnerability and likability  and as a result, Barbara (the leading role) came off harder than I would have liked, despite our leading lady's terrific performance.  (Note to everyone:  Melissa Blake is amazing!).  Shortly afterwards, Janet, who also produced the showcase, fired the director and hired Bob to take over.  In two weekends, Bob was able to take a clunky staging and streamline it into a flowing, cohesive show.  We played to full houses, had a bunch of celebrities in attendance (Janet, it seems, knows EVERYONE), and even had a mention on Page Six of the New York Post when David Cassidy came to see mom, Evelyn Ward, in the show.  Audiences seemed to enjoy the show and it closed after an uneventful run.   

Inspired by the audience response, Janet and I went back to work on the show, reinserted the cut number and sharpened scenes (full disclosure: there was one very vehement opponent, a college friend of Bob's who hated almost every word in my script! That sort of criticism is very, VERY hard to hear!).  Janet sent the show out to every place that would accept unsolicited submissions; she utilized her contacts, but despite a nibble here and a nibble there, there were no bites.  And rightly so.   Janet's score, though quite good, needs to be fuller.  And it pains me to admit that Bob's college friend was correct.  My book, frankly, is a hot mess, despite some nicely-drawn characters and some snappy dialogue.  We didn't properly research our material and it shows...really, really shows.  The show tries to cover too many bases and as a result, covers none of them well.  Over the years, Janet and I have chatted about revising it yet again, but despite pages of revision notes, I'm simply not interested in revisiting it.  It was a terrific experience with lots of wonderful memories  (e.g. walking down 8th Avenue with a shopping cart loaded with rented lighting instruments). I have a New York credit to my name.  Bob's work was superb.  It was a joy to work with our talented cast, which included, in addition to Evelyn Ward, the wonderful jazz vocalist, the late Barbara Lea.  But this was all a long time ago.  Maybe it's time for another adventure?- at the Sargent Theatre, New York.

September, 1994. The world premiere.  Our wonderful friend, Lois, was, at the time, active in the Charlotte Cushman Club, a theatrical women's club and foundation, and without her, this first performance would not have happened.  In the past, the Cushman Club provided housing for actresses in touring shows and was housed in a wonderful rowhouse on Camac.  This reading was mounted primarily as a social event for the Club, but for collaborator Janet Gari and I, it was chance to see our "child" take its first steps.

Our musical director, Broadway composer Arthur Siegel, died unexpectedly ten days before the performance.  It was devastating, but in true the-show-must-go-on tradition, Jonny Segal stepped in, did a brilliant job and stayed with us through the New York run and the CD recording.   Lois introduced us and I narrated as necessary.  The show itself was bloated with too much dialogue and too many songs.  (Looking at the program, I have no memory of the song "Clown at Romance."  Where did that fit in?? What did it sound like?)  The Philadelphia audience was also subjected to "W-A-I-T," probably the shortest theatre song in history.  By the time you realized you were listening to a song, it was over.  The audience response was good and gave Janet and I the impetus to do some serious work on the show.

The reception at the Club was wonderful and everyone gushed over us, which was  appreciated.  The part of Barbara was written with the exquisitely talented Robin Kaiser in mind, so it was a thrill to see her in the role.  (She was unable to do it when we mounted the Equity showcase.)  The  performance may have been on the rough side, but it was the only time my then-partner Steve was able to see the show in performance.  The weekend was very hard on him, health-wise, and turned out to be the start of his decline.  He would die in June the following year.  The New York showcase was dedicated to him. - at the Laurie Wagman Theatre, Philadelphia

May, 1972. Agatha Christie's tidy little thriller opened in November, 1952. That's over 60 years ago.  When I saw it, it was in its twentieth year; it's now in its 60th (being billed as a Diamond Anniversary). It has played over 25,000 continuous performances.  Let me put it this way: this show has been running almost as long as I've been alive!  The show will run until Doomsday, and most likely, well beyond that. It has long since ceased merely being a play and has become a tourist attraction in its own right. I played Mr. Paravicini in high school, and if I must say so, I was positively brilliant…at least in my own mind. Like most Christie plays, it's not a great show, but it's terrific fun and the cast (a new cast comes in almost every year, I understand) played it with appropriate British reserve.  Notice how the scenic designer is billed..."Decor by..."  I rather like that, - at the Ambassadors Theatre, London

Yours truly as Mr. Paravicini, fall, 1967.  I was 17 and a senior at Waukegan Township High School.  Someone's fixing something on the set, so this is obviously a rehearsal snap.  I think this was my grand entrance.  Maybe it's just me, but the coat and gloves don't appear to be an ideal match.  Hello, Costumer?

March, 2012.  A benefit for The Acting Company paying tribute to one of its alumni, the incomparable Patti LuPone.  Take a look at that lineup of talent!  Is there any doubt why Bob and I bought tickets the moment we could?  An exciting evening of reminisces and songs by colleagues of Patti's that flew by.  In an evening full of "OMG!!" moments, three stand out: Sutton Foster singing "Anyone Can Whistle/Being Alive," Kevin Kline's touching "Try to Remember," and Kristin Chenoweth stunning "Glitter and Be Gay" that took our breath away.  It was a lovefest culminated by the guest of honor being brought on stage and singing one of the best renditions of "September Song" I've ever heard.  A magical evening.  - at the Kaye Playhouse (Hunter College), New York